Reality?

One of my first memories in life was a fantasy I often played out over and over again in my head. I remember thinking that I was really lying in a hospital bed somewhere in a coma and the life I was living was just a vivid dream I was having while I laid there. I would often wonder if the family I have was even the real family I should have. Or if my real family was sitting around my bed watching me and hoping I would wake up, as I dreamed of some fake life with some fake family. I also deeply believed that my family, and friends and everyone in the world knew what was really happening and I was the only one who didn't. I believed that they were all just playing their part as cast actors in the role of my life. Then one day I saw the movie with Jim Carry called the Truman Show. Though it is not exactly like my fantasy it hit a close cord to what I had played over and over again in my head since I was a little girl. It made me feel not so crazy and maybe my fantasy is really happening. The movie was just a sign from those who are trying to protect me thats it's ok for me to know the truth.

Sometimes this fantasy would take on a more religious tone but still be similar. Sometimes it was my turn on Earth to be tested by God. Everyone in the world was aware of the truth and that it's my turn for the test. They all played their parts and lead me through this life like a puppet. Everyone in the world was very aware of all my thoughts and feelings. Because of this they are all constantly watching me and judging me.

These fantasies started when I was very very small. Like 3 or 4 at the oldest. It's something that I still think about to this day. At times I get so wrapped up in the fantasy that its hard to seperate out reality from the dream. I'm never quite sure if the dream is really just my subconsciousness telling me the truth and giving me hints on how to act around people who might interfere or judge me to harshly.

Tofuism

I don't eat meat. Some might call that a vegetarian. I just prefer tofu. There is no worse time of year for a "vegetarian" then Thanksgiving day. Your entire family sits around asking you "but why?", "oh just try a little piece", and my all time favorite the god lovers who think it's against god to not kill and eat flesh "the bible says ALL things in moderation". These are the same people who I always secretly want to reply with "well have a sip of my wine then" lol that would go over real well. Anyways beans and rice are yummy and biting into veins and skin is creepy.

So I have a lot of ideas in life that I really believe in. These ideals are not the norm when compared to my friends, family, and pretty much anyone I've ever met, known, or come in contact with. But still the same this is what I truly believe. I don't believe in having faith in something if that faith makes you feel bad. I have spent alot of my life listening to what others told me I should believe. I pretended for a long time to go along with that belief system even though I had a lot of unanswered questions. When I would ask questions and given no real answer I was always told I must have faith to believe in things that did not seem right to me. I will no longer live my life this way. I am open minded to other kinds of believe systems. I believe in many gods. I believe in life after death. I believe in life before birth. I think this is just a very small stage in our eternal life. But in no way is this either the begining or the end.

My website will not be devoted completely towards my religious believes. It will also be about my believes in science, politics, love, and life.

If you find what I write to be offensive in any way please don't take it personal. I would never attack someone else's beliefs, I am only asking for the same respect. That being said please always feel free to comment. Even if it's just to tell me I'm a total idiot. I am always open to here others point of view. And it takes alot to offend me.

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